I was listening to Caroline Myss yesterday, and she said something that flies in the face of what we are constantly told in our romanticized western culture. She said, the most important thing in life isn’t love, it is choice!
Love can be many things; obsessive, clingy, demanding, self-centered, heavy and down right abusive. Or it can be light, generous, respectful, admiring, affectionate, and with no concern for the fulfillment of selfish needs. It can be freedom. A pure self-expression!
It is a choice however. How to love. And what to expect from love.
Choice strikes me as the ultimate form of responsibility. The ultimate expression of being conscious both of the self and of others. How we use our freedom of choice defines who we are becoming in every moment, and as we extend choice to both those dearest and closest to us, and those more peripheral people in our lives, we create a space for the deepest and most authentic expression of love and respect. We literally give them permission to be the way they actually are – not the way we want them to be!
Again and again I return to the point of always trusting that whatever my needs are, they will be met by standing defenseless and vulnerable in the face of perceived challenges and lack. You have to actually believe in attack in order to defend against. And each time I do it myself, or witness it in others, there seems to be no end to the upset and anxiety. It is a self-perpetuating thought system.
Standing vulnerable is an uphill walk however, given that our world doesn’t support it. But, it seems always to be the most moving and ulitmately safe place to find yourself.
It takes trust mainly. Or the choice to trust.
A million times a day.